She wore darkness and light in equal
parts, half heaven,
half hell, she’d seen the abyss and now
talked too loud,
yet she sang softly a song,
right inside her love’s ear.
She was just a girl, understand, just a
girl who fell
for a boy, just as hard as Lucifer ever
fell from the sky, and she scratched
at the stars, the light bubbling up
underneath sharp nails,
she clawed at his soul
and carved out a hole,
he curses and
Written for the dVerse prompt:
- see if you can hook yourself a new reader with upfront vivid images and unusual word use
- maybe stick with tradition (starting top left) or forge out in a new direction, maybe even a one line, or even a one-word poem (though please read the article that I’ve linked to Saroyan’s poem)
- perhaps try your hand at some found poetry, make something shapely or striking or something off the fridge
- or perhaps a poem beginning with a line by a poet who’s provoked or enthralled or charmed or annoyed you (don’t forget to link to the original poem in your post).
30 thoughts on “Eclipse”
This is absolutely exquisite! The ending left me quite breathless 💝💝
Thanks, Sanaa! I reworked this from an older version and think I improved upon the ending. It was a fun edit! 💖
You’re most welcome! x
Yum what a delicious piece. I was hooked from the first line – and followed as the poem and their love descended into madness. I particularly liked how the explanations drop away and the last lines are a scant few syllables – really there’s nothing more to say…
I loved hearing your take, thanks so much for your words and the prompt! 💕
You ‘hooked’ this reader! Beautiful write ……
Thanks, Helen 🎉💖☺️
Sounds like a tumultuous relationship!
At least half the time! 😂💞🎉
I love the intensity of this and the extremes which somehow are able to ignite in a beautiful tortured union.
Thanks, Lisa! I think when the extremes collide you always have poetry. Isn’t that what music is, the ups and downs of notes? 💖
A powerful poem! I also liked its design. Good one!!
Thanks so much! 🥰
Tricia, this may be my favorite line break that I’ve read in quite a while!
Thanks, David! 💖
Fantastic opening line, and even better the ending where the girl enslaves the boy – love it!
Thanks, Ingrid! 🎉 Poor guy!
He probably deserved it! 😂
That first stanza… I just kept reading it over and over again!
I’m building a Facebook page, “Found Online,” where I can share links to poems I really enjoy for others to visit your site and explore your work. This poem is one I chose to link to. Check out the page at: https://www.facebook.com/joestoutfoundonline
wow! Thanks for including me, I will check it out! 🥰
Save at least that second stanza; and put it in that handbook that’s not yet been written, that one that mothers might quietly slip to daughters. (Cuz it might at least get one of their attentions)
😆 Thanks, D!
What an opening, what a poem, and what a picture — wow Tricia!
Thanks, Rob! Nice to hear you enjoyed it! 💖
One of the things I love most in writing is when two opposites meet. We had a prompt on this a while ago, and there are some great beginnings you can draw from the contrast.
“it was the best of times it was the worst of times” – Charles Dickens, tale of two cities
Great line! Yes, it makes one intrigued from the start. Thanks, Bjorn ❣️
WOW… I was flatten after the first stanza! Yes Indeed, poetry poetry poetry!
Glad you enjoyed!! 💓